Presidential Smackdown: Theodore Roosevelt vs. Ronald Reagan

Nearly a century separates the 25th and 40th presidents of the United States, but they shared several traits and experiences.

Both set trends in domestic and foreign policy that would influence American politics for generations. Both belonged to the Republican party (any debate about the differences between the politics of the Republican party of 1899 and the Republican party of 1981 is beyond the scope of this Hub). Both were treated for cancer while in office. Both survived near-fatal assassination attempts (though Roosevelt was no longer in office when shot). Both were nearly deified by their supporters and thought to be dangerously insane by their critics.

The most important question is, of course, if we had these two Chief Executives locked in a room together...who would win in a fight?

Let's take a look at our combatants.

One of Roosevelt's most celebrated claims to fame is his charge up San Juan hill in Cuba during the Spanish-American war. Roosevelt commanded a regiment of irregular cavalry that he had put together from various cowboys like those he had known during his days as a rancher. These 'Rough Rider's were particularly instrumental in neutralizing a Spanish garrison on Kettle Hill, which overlooked the American approach to San Juan hill, thus ensuring the safety of the invading army's flank. During the action, Roosevelt displayed nearly suicidal bravery which eventually won him the Congressional Medal of Honor (posthumous).

You heard that right: Theodore Roosevelt was also a cowboy. He never made much of success at it though. One of his primary faults, by his own admission, was a complete ineptitude at finances. Running a ranch is first and foremost, a business. So while, he could ride and shoot masterfully, he was unable to keep from driving his ranch into a deep ditch.

He also wrote around eighteen books, volumes of articles and an absolutely Pauline amount of letters. A smart guy was our TR.

Finally, and perhaps most applicable to our subject, Roosevelt sported a magnificent mustache for most of his adult life.

The lifeguard who became an actor. The actor who became President. The President who couldn't remember his Vice President's name.

Reagan was an odd duck. He managed to charm people, personally and diplomatically, while seemingly not knowing who the hell they were (including important contemporary figures like Gorbachev and Thatcher). After his presidency, when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, many critics blamed his strange behavior on an earlier than diagnosed (or admitted) onset of the disease. But if that were true, it must have started sometime around February 6, 1911 (his birthday), because Reagan was similarly weird his entire life.

Despite his oddity, Reagan was whip-smart until his decline. He read voraciously and showed detailed understanding of topics that interested him. That's the key in my interpretation. Reagan had no use for things that he wasn't interested in. They either confused or bored him (to sleep). The important question is: how interested is he in his upcoming bout with President Roosevelt?

As an actor, Reagan brought his jackass grin (I actually find his acting to at least be entertaining, but I swear he's mocking the viewer with that grin!) to audiences throughout the early days of Hollywood, where he met both of his wives, flirted with the Communist party until it rejected him and then did his best to stomp out it's presence in Hollywood as the President of the Screen Actor's Guild.

Like Roosevelt, Reagan also served his country in time of war. But, unlike his opponent, Reagan never saw combat. Instead, he was one of the pioneers of an entirely new face of warfare. During the second world war, Reagan was part of the 1st Motion Picture Unit, making propaganda and training films throughout American involvement in that war.

Disclaimer #1: I do not pretend that these briefs constitute a complete examination of the history, accomplishments, strengths or faults of these Presidents. Such an examination is beyond the scope of this Hub. I'm only looking at brief histories and factors applicable to the upcoming battle!

As previously mentioned, President Reagan's interest in a thing seemed to determine his excellence in it. It's hard to imagine that Reagan would be terribly interested in fighting President Roosevelt, a man he admired. He'd probably be confused at the pointlessness of the match and spend the opening moments glancing around our hypothetical room for his wife, Nancy, to explain the whole thing to him.

On the other hand, the pointlessness of a fight is unlikely to prove an impediment to Roosevelt. He just liked to fight, rhetorically, politically or physically. Reason came second, if at all. To quote TR's longtime friend and enemy Elihu Root: "When he gets into a fight, he is completely dominated by the desire to destroy his adversary."

But in this case, I've no doubt that Roosevelt would find reason (legitimate or not) to be enraged at Reagan. Roosevelt was a champion for social justice. But he was also an aristocrat born and bred. His idea of social justice was gently dispensed by an unreachable but benevolent upper class. To TR, the common people had little place in politics and an actor certainly would only besmirch the hallowed office of the presidency. That Reagan was elected twice to Roosevelt's once (he inherited his first term after the assassination of President McKinley) would only rankle more!

And then there's the mustache factor to consider. Roosevelt mustache: spectacular. Reagan mustache: doesn't exist.

Sorry Ronnie. It's a landslide.

This hub should not be taken as the political opinion of the author or as any sort of criticism of its subjects. It should really not be taken seriously at all!